We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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