I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
