sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
