I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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