he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
