I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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