She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
