idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
