Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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