That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
