Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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