Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
The air taste purple.
Randomize
