Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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