My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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