I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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