i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
