What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
