Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
