I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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