Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
