sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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