the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
