Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I am full of burrito and curiosity
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
