She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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