just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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