I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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