I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
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