I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize