I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Randomize
