with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Verdict: uncircumcised.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
