im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
