I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
