my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize