I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
