I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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