I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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