I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
