Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
