dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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