drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
