Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
