Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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