just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Are we still banned from the library?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
