I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
