his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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