Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
i think my cat just said my name.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
