Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Randomize
