my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
