Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
