At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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