his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
