I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
