The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
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