I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
