i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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