I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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