hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
