Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize