If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
