He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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