with your own penis?
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize