I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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