Your dad touched me again.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
