Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
