so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
