3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
