I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
