Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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