You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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